Finding salmon like her on Tinder

I shouldn’t have to remind you this, but today is Valentine’s Day. Already got a date?

To the majority who said no, just try to take a break from all the cheesiness you’ll about to witness on news and social media. Perhaps do something else like dating your parents and/or your sibs. The good thing about Valentine’s is that you’re not the only one waiting or searching, so might as well grab the chance and go to the battlefield of love dating while you still have an excuse to not look desperate. You might just snag someone who can go movie watching 50 Shades with you, or attend Boyce Avenue’s Valentine concert together, or cheer Team Socceroo and Global FC for today’s UFL matches. It’s all in the palm of your hands, or in every swipe of your fingers.

I’ll be telling you upfront, this blog entry has nothing to do with all the complexity of love.

Swipe left, swipe right.

Few months ago, I came across this viral social experiment on Facebook. This got me curious so I downloaded the app from Google Playstore and did some tinkering with it. I guess you might have heard something about an app called Tinder. It’s one of those apps in the market aside from Cat Piano that kills time at different degrees of enjoyment. The infographic below gives you the gist of it.

   

Basically, you swipe right if you like the person, left if otherwise. If both parties swiped right, then it will prompt you that “It’s a Match!” A chat feature is then unlocked letting both of you to initiate a conversation. In other words, if that pretty girl didn’t appear on your matched contacts, maybe you’ve just been swiped left. Or you can hope that she hasn’t seen your profile yet. Or worse, she unmatched right after recognizing you as her wrong-swiped man.

I’m very much drawn to girls who can get into my head. But on tinder, the only thing you judge is how physically attracted you are to her, and how her brief bio sells herself. Basic law of attraction, and that’s just how it goes in the real world. We all have that preset visualization standard of what certain types we swoon over.

There are lots of fish in the sea.

That’s how vague the cliché goes. Don’t expect catching a catfish in an ocean or a tuna in a river. You can’t find the fish you’re looking for when you’re searching at the wrong body of water. What exactly are you looking for?

I’m looking for a salmon.

I’m attracted to women who are preferably older, with shoulder-length tresses on long oval-shaped faces and with a devil may care attitude that can kick ass like Maggie Q (Nikita Mears, Lt. Beth Davis). She doesn’t have to learn how to cook real food as long as she knows how to wake up a snoozer like me with pancakes she cooked herself. I should be the one making meals and all she needed to do is to eat whatever I cook for her.

The basic equation would be a Maggie Q kind of type who can make awesome pancakes in the morning. That’s my kind of salmon.

So you start by logging in through Facebook (no worries, none of your friends will know any of your activities) and let Tinder do the job in finding you potential matches based on your preferences (gender, age bracket, and distance). Start swiping. Once a match, you can easily search them in your contacts. You are also free to unmatch anyone whenever you want to.

Oops! Ladyboys are there too. Don’t just focus on the buns without checking her other pics and bio or you’ll experience several bouts of mis-swipes like I usually do (unless you’re after them).

Tips for the lads!

Get your game face on. It doesn’t mean that you have to be an Alpha male amongst the Tinder pack. Set your display picture that will highlight your physical assets or maybe something that can describe what you’re passionate about. Just don’t get too lousy on your bio.

Tips for the ladies!

Snap your most attractive selfie and make it your DP. A one-liner bio will work best. No need to elaborate on this because men are just plain-old visually-stimulated creatures.

You don’t have to be pretentious and never should you underestimate yourself. After all, what you want is someone who would give you a right swipe with you just being yourself. Either way, you don’t set your standards low just to get matches you can talk to.

I came across a sophisticated girl who knows how to describe herself in brief and witty sentences, a liberated girl who shares her biological and mental mix, a practical girl who will offer to trade Globe reward points to regular load, and a kinky girl who fetishes on male armpits.

Some girls are just too cool, cute, hot, and pretty, not to give a right swipe.

  Every now and then, you’ll meet up girls who are a little too straighforward.

And very seldom, you might get able to find your own salmon.

Tinder is basically a hookup app and that works fine with the Western culture. If that’s what you’re up to, I could say that there’s only a minority (this is proximity-related) of girls who would get cozy with you after several dates and a couple exchanges of calls and SMS.

Tip for the lads!

Once you get to talk to that hot chick, don’t say goodnight without asking her phone number. Viber her right away and send your emojis (no egglants please). This way, both of you can get in touch whenever you want to. Besides, Tinder chats are quite laggy. Just take it light and bathe her with the respect she deserves.

Tips for the ladies!

Don’t generalize all the guys on Tinder as a predator who only wants to get in your pants. Maybe that’s the end goal, but not all men are created equal. I know a couple of friends who’s just there seeking for good conversationalists and love gurus. Just be nice and be mindful with your conversations. There are also no double standards here, so you can be the first one to say “Hey!”

At this time, I only got two Tinder matches (closer to my salmon) I met outside the app. It’s always nice meeting new people, going out with someone you can physically talk to and get comfy with and not just chatting over an app. That’s all I can share for now. Tinder’s just a tinder, it will never become a bonfire without adding any firewood to it.

After swiping through lots of face cards, what I realized is that women are so diverse that you can never ever put them in any pre-defined category. And there is never really a need for doing such. Unlike us men who only have two distinctions, the assholes and the nice guys, and no in-betweeners. Probably two phases I guess? From assholes to nice guys. Either way, assholes are basically nice guys under construction.

You can chat, date, momol or do other things, but you can never expect to get a serious relationship out of something that’s never serious from the very start. So ladies, do not put all your eggs in one basket. For the lads, don’t count your chickens before they hatch.